During a recent lunch amongst a few people I know well and most not too well, the talk turned to current events, as it invariably does when strangers meet each other and try to make friends.  And as it usually occurs during such times, one of the women present tried to share her opposing views, only to be disgraced into silence by the righteousness of two of the men. It was demeaning and embarrassing and I, being a woman, felt her humiliation.  But I was more embarrassed for the snobbery and affectation of intellect on the men’s side.  Or rather, for the fact that I held these two in some esteem, and they had disappointed me. 

While reading yesterday about the 300 Afghan women who marched in Kabul, amidst spit, name calling and flying stones, to secure rights for themselves as women and valid members of society, I got to thinking about the sacrifices some make to pave the way for others.  And even the sacrifices our daughters will continue having to make, because for one reason or another when it comes to certain issues, we’re still stuck in the nineteenth century.   

Why is it so?  In countries that have less freedom than ours, it is easy to find the culprits. But here?  Could it be that we are indulged?  Patted on the head, scratched behind the ears, thrown crumbs here and there….  There is no remorse, because we are not taken seriously.  And if we make an issue and try to take a stand, we are ridiculed and beaten to a pulp by the nasty tongues of men only interested in the survival of their own agendas.  We are invited to a round table discussion only to find out when we get there that the round table has been replaced with a pulpit.  Monologue has replaced the dialogue, and if you need something to do, start refilling the coffee cups.

Within the above mentioned group at least, the authority of the two men is an amateur sort of authority.  One of them talked as if he needed to convince himself.  The other, as though he was willing to overlook our naivety, if only we’d shut up, move ourselves into another room and start talking fashion.  Yet, that makes no difference.  We get used to it, used to how little is expected of our intelligence, and in turn become wary of any change that brings with it the power to turn on it’s head the world we have grown accustomed to.

I don’t believe that this is a ‘men versus women’ issue.  This apportioning of power between us is a result of our upbringing, culture and education.  It rarely is questioned.  It’s just the way things always were and how they should continue to be.   In my case, as in the case of many of my friends, upbringing and culture play a tremendous role.  As outspoken as I am, I often hesitate.  However, as mothers and female role models, we need to be a bit more responsible first to ourselves, secondly to our children and finally to our husbands.  And maybe we can acknowledge that the past and the future belongs to all of us equally.  Men and women working together.

I did say a while ago that I will not let myself be tricked into what I’m about to do. I suppose I did not realize the level of misunderstanding others have about my political and christian beliefs, and how quickly tempers would flare on a day as important as this one has been. So in an attempt to answer everyone’s emails and texts, I am resorting to this blog. After all is said, I hope you all have your answers and we can move on to another topic.

To a large extent, we are all products of our upbringing.  Our beliefs have been passed down from our parents to us and they have become our truths. Some of us take it all in without blinking and some of us question things. It’s in our nature. I belong to the category of those questioning.  Not because, as some suggest, I’m opposed to running with the herd.  Rather because I have tried too long to run with it, fully aware that the herd was running in the wrong direction.  

I was disenchanted for quite a while and sick of myself for doing what many considered the proper thing: avoiding the greater truth at all costs. I didn’t want my future to become my past, over before I had a chance to do anything about it. Paulo Coelho says in The Pilgrimage: “Only the person who listens to the sounds of the moment is able to make the right decisions. We always know which is the best road to follow, but we follow only the road that we have become accustomed to.”  

I had decided that I did not wish to be blinded by justifications of power and interest any longer.  The getting and the having, a relentless claim of one thing over another.  I couldn’t see what it had to do with being a christian.  And it definitely did not make me a better person.

I realize that many of you are well versed in the popular theology of the day. I don’t have any claims on most of that.  With the exception of this: why is there a need to promote a prosperity theology?  Isn’t this secular pay-off for our faith in complete conflict with the teachings of Jesus?  So many seem to confuse right wing politics and an economic theory with what Jesus actually expects, which is so clearly outlined in St. Matthew chapter 5.

Throughout the last administration we had been fed on hatred and paranoia.  The real Jesus has been silenced.  And people who should have known better inhaled it because the ones in power called themselves Christians.