intimate conversations

Author: angiem, 11 18th, 2009

“Mom, I’ve been thinking.” My nine-year old son starts the moment he gets in the car.  I wait for him to settle in before backing down the driveway.  He doesn’t like me to drive an inch if he doesn’t have the seatbelt on.  ”Yes?” I prompt.

“Well you know how you and daddy want to be great parents to me and Isabelle?  I wonder if that’s such a good idea…”

It is our weekly date night.  For the next three hours it is just the two of us.  We’ll watch a movie, treat ourselves to a book, have a leisurely dinner.  It is the one evening of the week where all my hard work of teaching him grace, wit, and impeccable manners are put to the test.  And my mother heart swells proudly in my chest when beautifully dressed and well groomed older patrons of restaurants stop by our table to commend my son on his elegance of deportment for one so young.  But back to our conversation.

“Why not?”  I ask wondering what he could possibly mean.

“Well, I’m just afraid that you aren’t true to your real selves, if you constantly worry about doing the right thing for us.”

I reach across and ruffle his hair.  ”Being a mother to you two is the most important thing in my life right now.” Did I have such well formed thoughts at his age?  I think not.

“I know mommy, and you’re the best at it.  I just want you to be happy too.  It’s okay to be selfish, once in a while.”  He picks up my hand and kisses the back of my palm.  For a moment I feel a sharp stab of guilt.  Am I expecting too much from him?  Is that what he is saying?

“You know what would be real cool,” he goes on peering out the window into the gathering darkness.

“What baby?”

“To see a real live bat. Jackson says that these woods are filled with them.”

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32 Responses to “intimate conversations”

  1. Jessica Says:

    LOL Cute ending. Sweet boy. :-) Sometimes I’m worried I expect too much from my kids, but then other times I think it’s good for them.

  2. Susan R. Mills Says:

    Wow. What a deep thought for a nine-year-old. I hope you enjoyed your date night with him.

  3. Pamela Says:

    Ouch…my heart!! What an adorable fellow. He’s a keeper.

  4. Dana Jurca-Stevens Says:

    Awww, too precious Angie.

  5. Renee Khan Says:

    Angie I am swooning and remembering dates with Nathan.

    Your son is gorgeous. What a handsome and nice boy.

    Love Renee xoxo

  6. Vicki Archer Says:

    Angie…this is just beautiful and you must remember that moment forever, xv.

  7. La Belette Rouge Says:

    It takes an amazing mother to create such a wonderful son. Look forward to hearing about your bat encounter.

  8. Vanessa Says:

    MY heart swells at reading this! You must be an amazing set of parents. Such profound thoughts!

  9. Mary-Laure Says:

    Kids. They just amaze me with their intelligence, sensitivity and funiness. Your little one is precious.

  10. Ruth Says:

    Sweeet! Ingeraş mic!

  11. materfamilias Says:

    Lovely! Takes me back to those intimate chats with my own son — he always seemed earnest and golden and good, somehow, even though he wasn’t a “goodie-goodie.” We still get along well, but (and just as well, of course) that intense connection is now his GF’s. You’ve evoked the memories so clearly — thank you! and enjoy these moments, these years, that you so wisely nurture with your special times together.

  12. Autumn Says:

    He is a smart boy and so loving and cute. It is good that he realizes this though. You know how some kids can be - blaming their parents for this and that. It sounds like he will love and understand you guys for who you are. That is a HUGE blessing! Great post - as always! :)

  13. angiem Says:

    Jessica, thank you. He is very sweet.

    Susan, date nights with him are so precious. And his intelligence must come from his grandparents, as hubby and I were nowhere near his level of insight as kids.

    Pamela, thank you! Yes, he is.

    Dana, thank you darling!

    Renee, thank you. Your entire family sounds like the loveliest kind. Hugs to you my friend.

    Vicki, I shall remember these moments together. I write them on bits of paper and drop them in a huge apothecary jar on my bedroom dresser.

  14. angiem Says:

    La Belette, I’m a little worried about bat encounters, but there is a cave nearby filled with bats, and we’ll pay it a visit one of these days.

    Vanessa, thank you, but we really aren’t. When I was pregnant with him, I did ask God to give him a lot of wisdom.

    Mary- Laure, thank you. Kids are amazing! They’re my favorite sort of people.

  15. angiem Says:

    Ruth, yes he is!

    Materfamilias, I dread the thought of future girlfriends! Thank you.

    Autumn, thank you, dear.

  16. Ani Says:

    What a beautiful and relaxing piece to read after such a “busy” day. It makes me think that I really need to put the breaks on, come to a screeching halt like Melanie says and go on a “date night” with my boy, or for all that matters with my girls too :-) and last but not least with the love of my life.

    Tristan is such a well mannered and smart boy. If he continues at this pace, we may just have to because in-laws lol.

  17. debbie Says:

    That is a remarkable child you have there! I have four, and one of them is sensitive and insightful like this. It can be a burden to a child, I think.

  18. French Fancy Says:

    Goodness Angie - the face of an angel and the mindset of a truly sensitive and lovely individual. Whatever you are doing is obviously the right way to bring up children.

    As someone without kids (a conscious decision) I love reading about other people’s. More please.

  19. Karen@SurvivingMotherhood Says:

    I love the jumps they make with their thoughts. Absolutely precious!
    Seems we’ve both been having good vehicle-time talks with our kids recently. *grin*
    As for your comment about the rat…It took me a while to have the willingness to go there. But I can honestly say I do think they’re cute now. It just takes some time to get past the thought that they’re RATS. LOL!
    Thankfully, ours don’t have creepy tails. *grin*

  20. Deborah Says:

    HA! Children certainly know how to bring us back to earth! He is so beautiful **swoons** Consider yourself abundantly blessed. Once, many years ago, my friend’s son said to her, “sometimes I question your parenting skills”. True story! **blows kisses** Deb

  21. audrey Says:

    they say children are much more closer to the sweetness of heaven… they say the most divine things. beautiful really!

    Angie, there is another special thing going on here. a lot of parents want of course, for their children to be well taken care of. and too it is important that parents raise children to be loving and respectful when they are out and about, and it seems you and your husband are doing so well as your son thinks not only of himself.

    beautiful!!

  22. angiem Says:

    Ani, yes, you should. You work too hard, girl.

    Debbie, thank you. I know what you mean about the burden part. I want him to enjoy life without guilt creeping in.

    French Fancy, thank you. He sure is a cutie pie. Just can’t tell him that, though.

  23. angiem Says:

    Karen, you mean there are rats without tails??? I never knew. Will look into it! Thanks for telling me.

    Deborah, that is so funny! Kisses back to you, and thank you.

    Audrey, I have the loveliest of parents, but it was expected while out and about that I act civilized.

  24. rochambeau Says:

    It’s great that you have a “date night” with your handsome son, Angie. I do not have children, but my parents instilled manners into me. It is a gift to learn how to say “please and thank you” . Magic words.

    xox
    Constance

  25. Lydia, Clueless Crafter Says:

    Your mother/son relationship reminds me of my father/daughter relationship. I see how he has (albeit in his quirky way) been trying to teach me how to carry myself with dignity.

    His big lesson has been to remind me to be worthy, not super. To honor the best that I am, at all moments.

    When I was ten, dad took me and my girlfriend out to a fancy dinner. He taught us how to eat with manners, where the fork and spoons go, basically - and most importantly - how to carry ourselves with respect. My friend has never forgotten that night.

    Your son will grow up to love himself and that’s the darn best we all can do.

    And, bravo for getting the Ms. Maxwell book. She is not as spiritual as she is practical. I rather disagree with some of her insights, but find her an amazing character in a difficult time for women socially and as entrepreneurs. Share your thoughts when they come?

  26. deb @ talk at the table Says:

    Your son has such an old soul. How incredible. And those eyes.
    I have a daughter who often says things that indicate she is a sensitive barometer of my emotions . It startles me , and yet just as your son so comfortably switched to something else, I am relieved that she isn’t burdened .

    And how giving of you to do these date nights, once a week. That’s phenomenal. The one on one time was certainly an area I struggled with when mine were small. And I feel so guilty even now.

  27. Michelle Miller/the true book addict Says:

    Sorry..it’s taken me a few days to comment on this! This was the sweetest post I think I have read in a long time. And I hope you don’t mind, but you have inspired me to start having “date” nights with my sons individually so they can each have some one on one time with me. They are very close in age so sometimes I think they feel like one unit! I think this will enhance our relationship and make them each in turn feel very special. Thank you so much for the inspiration =o)

  28. angiem Says:

    Constance, thank you. Everyone appreciates good manners.

    Lydia, that is such a lovely lesson. To be worthy, not super. Thank you. I will say this, your dad has done a tremendous job. And Ms. Maxwell will have to wait until Monday, I’m afraid. But I will gladly share my thoughts.

    Deb, I often worry that indeed he might become burdened. He feels too much, I think.

    Michelle, thank you! That is wonderful! They will appreciate that one on one and so will you.

  29. Secretia Says:

    Wow, profound thoughts at nine years old. You may have a genius there, one who loves you, Lucky Mom!

    Secretia

  30. corine Says:

    Hey! My ten year old does not worry about my emotional health. I better knock some sense into that boy.

  31. Miss MOussie Says:

    Loved reading this..GREAT blog..so very nice to meet you..I will visit again..:))

  32. Evangeline Says:

    Wise beyond his years. That is adorable!

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