all about me

Author: angiem, 04 01st, 2010

There’s a thread of mental illness running through my mother’s side of the family.  When I was a child and would cry uncontrollably my dad would shush me gently and tell me that it wasn’t healthy to allow my emotions to run loose. “Just look at so and so,” he’d say.  And I’d think about so and so and stop.  Although my mother’s side is brilliant, and my father’s side more practical and hardworking, they are also very emotional.  I wanted to be safe.  I wanted to be practical and hard working.  I had seen mental illness and it wasn’t pretty.

Well, today I cried and cried all day, and at a certain point wondered if maybe I was finally losing my mind.  My head was exploding.  My throat hurt.  Even the skin on my face felt raw.  I could barely open my mouth to speak. So I went in to see the doctor.  I was relieved to find out it is only an ear infection.  A really bad one, which I’m sure isn’t helped by the fact that I have a horrible habit of cleaning out my ears with cotton swabs.  Obsessively.  I have a thing with the spotless cleanliness of body parts.  Which is something else my dad used to worry about me when I was young: my need to always wash my hands and make sure all facial orifices were free of gunk.

Actually, there was a guy once when I was in high school that I liked a lot.  I was beside myself when he finally asked me on a date.  While standing in line waiting for him to buy the movie tickets, I noticed there was something glistening in his nose.  For the entire duration of the movie I was terrified that his mucus would drip on me; I couldn’t wait for the night to end.

Anyway, Victoria from #mce_temp_url# tagged me in a note, wanting to find out more things about me, probably thinking that there might be something cool.  (Sorry to disappoint you Victoria, but there isn’t. And I’m so stuffed with antibiotics and pain killers that even if I had something interesting to say, it would not come out right.) Victoria, however, is super cool and sophisticated and next to her I feel like a bumbling idiot.  Stop by and tell her hello for me.

Thanks in advance for your well wishes.  They mean the world to me.  I will be back on Sunday with an Easter story.  Until then, be well!

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53 Responses to “all about me”

  1. Jennifer Says:

    Oh! I am sorry that you are feeling so terrible (and here I was thinking everyone was getting better). I know that when I am sick I cry more easily and the world looks bleaker. Rest up and feel better soon. The antibiotics will help.

  2. liliana Says:

    Sa te faci repede bine si sa te poti bucura de sarbatori! Hugs.

  3. Mwa Says:

    You be well, too, Angie! Glad you got your ears seen to.

  4. Dash Says:

    Oh God, poor you, there is nothing worse than an ear infection, I had one a while back, I had all your symptoms and was crying with the pain and my balance went. Before I went to the doctors, I had convinced myself I was having a brain haemorrhage oh it was awful. Anyway, just keep taking the tablets and you will be fine.
    XX

  5. Lori Says:

    I hope you get well soon. You don’t sound good at all. Come on, spring is here, the sun is up and smiling at you!

  6. Susan Says:

    Angie, I’m so sorry about the infection. It makes everything else seem so much worse. Get some sleep. And then some.

    Best Easter wishes

  7. Susan Says:

    Dear Angie:

    I loved the post as it had different elements of fear, honesty, humour and good-spirit.

    The part about the date was so hilarious. I would have felt the same but then I would have told that to him and handed a tissue. Did you ever go out with him again?

    Angie, I wish you and your family a joyous Easter.

    Love,
    Susan

  8. lisa Says:

    Found you through Holly I think we have some things in common, the journal book collecting, the thread of mental illness on our mother’s side
    stop by my blog some time. Happy Easter- Do you like to read? what are you reading now? I just finished firefly lane and now i started Perfection.

  9. SJ Says:

    Angie–you’re not crazy. This will pass; do what you tell me to do –be gentle with yourself. I order one cold washcloth for your forehead and a cup of tea. (And perhaps, a cookie).

  10. Beth Says:

    Oh, goodness, you sound so sick – with all its accompanying misery!
    As for obsessive behaviour, I think we all possess a bit of that. I do what my boys call “Mom’s off, off, off routine” in the kitchen every time I leave the house. I have to.
    Hope you feel better for Easter! Heck, I hope you feel better – period.

  11. Stephanie @ La Dolce Vita Says:

    Feel better soon! And we’ll look forward to your Easter story. (and you’re plenty cool enough for us!)

  12. Gigi Says:

    Wishing you a speedy recovery, Angie. What a story! I clean my ears too often, too! I totally get it.

    Happy Good Friday and Happy Easter! xoxo

  13. Kirie Says:

    Angie, I hope your ear infection disappears quickly. Rest, rest, rest! And feel better soon.

    I know exactly what you mean about the clean thing. My doctor scolds me about the q-tips every checkup.

    Hope you have a happy Easter!

    Kirie

  14. Ava Says:

    Aww , you poor thing. I hope you get over this already. I’m off to school buti’ll be thinking of you. Take it easy. Rest. Sleep. Hugs.

  15. deb @ talk at the table Says:

    Brutal.
    the ear infection, not the other stuff.
    we are all a little off in our own loveable human ways.

    take care, don’t over do it this weekend!

  16. angiem Says:

    Thank you, dear friends. The kids are over the worst of it. They were out playing in the sun yesterday. As for me, the few doses of antibiotics I’ve taken so far are helping. I’m already feeling an improvement… I think.

  17. She Writes Says:

    I am so sorry to hear you cried all day :(! I hate that and spoke to a friend of mine last night that admitted to me she had a recent crying jag like that when I said I had. Doesn’t happen often for me, as I am a pretty upbeat person, but every now and then an hour will hit that things catch up in. I’m glad medicine was the answer :)!

    Always find you interesting. No apologies needed.

    Happy weekend, dear Angie!

  18. She Writes Says:

    PS ear infections hurt like hell. I know!

  19. Kori Says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your ear infection. I simply cry now whenever I need to-and I think I am much more healthy than I was when I was a kid and NEVER cried. Still mentally ill, of course, but less so. Maybe.

    I hope you are able to get some sleep and that your pain abates.

  20. Susan R. Mills Says:

    Get well soon, and I hope you are able to enjoy your Easter.

  21. Sabine Says:

    Arrgh, ear infections are terribly painful!
    I think at closer inspection mental illness runs in nearly every family - the boundaries are not so well defined, and though we might now know that OCD has a lot to do with low serotonin levels medicine has a tendency to categorise… So we are ’schizophrenic’ or ‘depressed’ or ‘neurotic’… Whereas in fact we are all different individuals copying with life.
    Hope you get better soon, Angie. xx

  22. Sabine Says:

    … not coying… coping (to cope). English = difficult! ;-)

  23. Mary Moon Says:

    Isn’t it a relief sometimes to find out that our pain is actually physical rather than mental? Or at least, the mental is caused by the physical.
    Now get well and be well and know you are fine.

  24. Jena Says:

    Poor you :( as far as mental illness goes we all have it, we just like to pretend we don’t. Feel better sweetie.

  25. Corinne Says:

    Oh Angie! Feel better… as you know we’ve been sick also, and it sucks - plain and simple. I’m in denial about an ear ache, so I really didn’t need to hear you have an ear infection… you might have put me over the edge to make a call to the doctor…

    Anyway, it’s good to let the tears flow. Very very good.

  26. Evangeline Says:

    Aw, feel better Angie! Ear infections are dreadful!

    BTW I received my soup book in the mail yesterday. Thank you! I am looking forward to the pots of goodness it inspires.

  27. Kristen @ Motherese Says:

    Dear Angie,

    This is my first visit to your blog and I’m sorry to find you ailing. I hope you and your family feel well soon and that you all enjoy a very nice weekend and a very happy Easter.

  28. Autumn Says:

    Omg! You poor thing! I hope that you feel better soon! I will say a prayer for you. Often times, I feel like crying when I get sick to. Though it probably sucks, I am glad that it was only an ear infection. Well, Happy Easter my dear! xoxo

  29. screamish Says:

    jeez…everytime I come here you already have 29 000 comments and i feel intimidated!

    How on earth did your ear infection get that bad??? ear stuff is sooo horrible. I think Im still half deaf in an ear thanks to one I had years ago…or maybe its senility/selective deafness.

    Tomorrow you’ll wake up and it’ll be much much better. Have a great weekend-

  30. Jill Kemerer Says:

    Hope you get some antibiotics and lay down! Have a great Easter!

  31. audrey Says:

    Dear Angie you are cooler than you know!! I hope you get to feeling better soon & I hope you’ll feel well enough to enjoy the Easter weekend.

    Plus the truth is always cool in my opinion. Sounds like you had a real good cry, get everything out, and start a new.

    I worked once for a doctor, I was at home and all of a sudden I felt like I was going crazy. It scared me. I went into work and told the doctor about how I wasn’t feeling well, and I told him my symptoms. He examined me and said I had an ear infection. There is something about how the ears (what’s inside them) that keeps us balanced. I imagine in a number of ways, when that’s off we feel off balance.

    Hope you’re on your way to feeling good again. When feeling blue, having a real good cry helps a lot…

    Hug you Love!!

  32. Ange Says:

    The uber coolest thing about you is that you write who you are! May your drippy nose stop and your ears heal up so you can hear a pin drop…in France. Bisous and get well quick so the Easter bunny can spoil you!

  33. audrey Says:

    oh, on my way to visit Victoria…

  34. Jeanne Says:

    I agree with Stephanie, your pretty cool for us Angie and I would say that by the number of responses you have, lots of other people think so too! Hope your ear clears up soon…I can feel your pain!
    Hope the meds kick in quickly and you are able to have a wonderful weekend as you surely deserve it!
    Very best Angie…
    Jeanne :)

  35. Kary Gonyer Says:

    Oh Angie..how I would LOVE to have you here having supper with me tonight.I would LOVE it…..

    Have a wonderful weekend, my sweet friend,

    Kary
    xxx

  36. mrsbear Says:

    I’ve had ear infections as an adult, they do indeed make you feel crazy! That pain just gets in your head and becomes all encompassing.

    Mental illness actually runs in my family too on my mother’s side. I’m secretly terrified that some day, without warning, it will strike me. Strange. So glad yours is treatable with an antibiotic. :)

  37. krista Says:

    i sure hope you feel soon, lovely. xoxo

  38. Lena M. Says:

    Ouch, Angie! Ear infections can be pretty painful… My sister used to get lots of them and cried and cried…

    Me, I cry just because (But then again I’m the artist in the family, so I can be officially crazy and no one will dare say a thing…)

    Take good care of yourself.

    Much love and warmest hugs.
    XXX

  39. Anya Says:

    You poor little thing! I am so sorry you have to go through very bad ear infection and I wish you speedy recovery. I know it can be very painfull! Sending you millions of “get well” wishes!:-)

  40. French Fancy Says:

    Oh Angie, I am sorry to hear that you’ve been so unwell and lo. I also have an ‘ear’ habit. I poke mine incessantly and now have antibiotic ear drops on repeat prescriptions. I make them ever so sore too - we must learn not to fiddle with them but it does become an obsessive habit and I understand totally.

    thinking of you

    xx
    Julie

  41. Jessica Says:

    Ooh, an ear infection sounds horrible. I hope you get better soon!
    Funny story about the date. I’m not obsessive but I think that would totally gross me out. Yuck!

  42. Susu Paris Chic Says:

    Dear, dear Angie,

    First of all, please get closer so that I can give you a huge hug! A sincere, loving , caring, good old hug!

    Secondly, never change my dear. Do always speak your heart out. This is why people love you. Here on your blog, and in real life too, I’m sure.

    Thirdly, now take the time to heal. To get better, slowly but surely. Let all of these sweet messages left here for you to lift you, to carry you… just like your writings lift and carry us on daily basis.

    You are so precious. Have a blessed Easter time! Paris throws in the last little hug… Voilà!

  43. angiem Says:

    Thank, you, thank you, thank you! :)
    Antibiotics have kicked in and I’m feeling closer to my usual self. I wish the best Easter weekend to all of you.

  44. Allegra Smith Says:

    You are not supposed to put anything inside your ear except your elbow.
    Thus was I told at a tender age and only warm water washes my ear.

    I hope you and your family have a very relaxing, happy Easter.

  45. Kristin Says:

    You poor thing. I hope you’re feeling better and able to enjoy the weekned!

  46. sharon Says:

    Hi Angie, Just found my way to your blog and took the time to have a good look around, you do have a special gift for writing and for saying things just how they are. I can tell I’ll be visiting alot, hopefully your ear infection will soon be history.
    Sharon

  47. rochambeau Says:

    Hey Angie,
    Hopefully when you read this ~~~~~
    Your ear and yourself will be feeling very much better.
    It is TRUE ~ When one’s body is in physical pain, it’s hard to feel mentally happy or balanced. So often people forget to give thanks and be grateful …. to feel normal ~ to feel well.

    Thinking of you as you regain your strength.

    Happy Easter to a beautiful woman that I feel blessed to know.
    Love,
    Constance

  48. pamela Says:

    Bless your heart! Nothing hurts more than an ear ache. I remember that pain from childhood. You need lots of TLC and I hope you are receiving it!! I’m sending lovely wishes your way!!! Feel better!

  49. laura Says:

    Oh, my goodness, get well soon! I’m thinking of you and praying that joy will be yours this Easter celebration.

    Love to you, Angie!

  50. Becky Ramsey Says:

    No wonder you cried! Ear infections are horrible. The first time I got one as an adult, I felt terrible for complaining every time my kids had one. They’re so painful!

    I hope you’re feeling better!

  51. Holly L Says:

    Ear infections are awful. I have not had one in so long, but I remember the pain. Hope you are feeling better.

  52. Bunny Says:

    Oh Angie I hope you are all better now and were able to enjoy Easter ( I read your incredible post above) I just got over an ear infection that lingered for well over a month and combined with a root canal I was in so much pain. I think ear ‘issues’ do make one feel a bit crazy, everything is ‘off’ balance, hearing, etc.
    Well I do hope all is well now. I used antibiotics, nasal steroid sprays and benadryl, they helped a lot.
    take care
    xoxo

  53. Bethany Says:

    Angie! You’re so funny about the mucus. You are not crazy, just sick. Glad you figured that out sooner rather than later. Feel better sooner too dear.

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