I love my mom now probably more than I loved her as a child. She was going through a lot when we were young, and besides she had been raised by her strict Austrian father that children should only be kissed when they are asleep. It was a good thing that she married my dad who thought all of that was a bunch of nonsense and who made a point of kissing and hugging us for no reason at all.

Also, she had medical problems, a few pregnancy losses, and her uterus taken out of her without her permission after her last pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage, so I’m not surprised she held herself in reserve. She did not feel in control of her life. In fact, she wasn’t in control of her life. Important decisions were made by well meaning family members and medical personnel who believed they knew better.

Gradually she lowered her defenses against loving us too much, and as the years passed our relationship improved, although she is still very much a lady and formal to a degree, always courteous, hospitable, smiling.

But I love her gentleness, her unwavering faith, her forgiving nature, her constant love and support. Happy Mother’s Day mom. And Happy Mother’s Day to all of you women, whether you have given birth or not, you are all mothers and nurturers of dreams, of beauty and of love.

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39 Responses to “happy mother’s day to all the women of the world”

  1. Michelle Says:

    Beautiful. Your mom is fortunate to have such a forgiving, intelligent, loving human for a daughter. So well written I felt as if I knew the whole story without you actually giving much away.

  2. Jessica Says:

    So sad about her uterus/miscarriages. :-(

    This is a beautiful tribute! I think it’s wonderful how you can see her love for you, even though it wasn’t always displayed with affection.

  3. Kathy Says:

    Happy Mother’s day to you and your Mother. Thank you for sharing your story.

  4. Beth Says:

    And a Happy Mother’s Day to you, as well!
    May it be filled with hugs, kisses, “I love you” – all the expressions of love.

  5. Diane Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day to you and your mom. :O)

  6. Janna Qualman Says:

    Poignant and beautiful.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Angie!

  7. Jennifer Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day to you, Angie.

    It’s my mother’s birthday today and I really wish I could be there . . .

  8. Mary Moon Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day to you, sweet Angie. And yes, to all the nurturers.

  9. Susan Says:

    I can relate to this on both those levels. Happy Mother’s Day to you & your mother, Angie. And yes yes yes to all women–having given birth or not. And to all the women who lost children in miscarriage, at birth, & shortly after. Far too many people ask those women (esp. if they haven’t known them long & their history), “So what made you decide not to have children?” or worse (!) “Oh, you’re so lucky. I love my kids, but sometimes I so envy your life…” Really? I watched a fellow poet struggle, esp. at public readings, with this sort of thing.

    Not known by most, she lost her husband of brain cancer, while she was 6 months pregnant. The baby was going to be a help, at least, to keep her beloved close to her. Then the baby died two days after birth. Her family still refers to it as “the incident.” Argh. But others (used to) come up, after readings, & say things that indicated while they loved her poems about children, mothers how did she really know? Because she hadn’t any children. (She no longer gives readings.)

    I’m about to foam at the mouth & that would not do as I’m off to the Cathedral for the annual Flower Mart. So, I shall de-foam. But thanks, Angie, for allowing me to leave that message.

    Cheers & ciao-meow (from Julie:)

    xo

    Susan

  10. Joyce Says:

    Beautifully written my friend! Mother’s Day was a mixed emotion for me for years. I was grateful for the wonderful mom I have and sad to know I personally would never be able to carry this wonderful title “mom” or feel those tiny arms around my neck. Over the years the pain has lessen, because of the love I have for everything I see and feel in my path. I love how you summed it up with your words, “whether you have given birth or not, you are all mothers and nurturers of beauty and love”. Happy Mother’s Day this Sunday my friend and enjoy the many blessings! xo

  11. Mwa Says:

    That’s such a sad thing - how so many women had their choices taken away. And so many still are. My mother will still defend autocratic doctors to me.

    Thanks for the wishes! And happy mother’s day to you!

  12. Ava Says:

    You summed it up beautifully Angie. All women birth dreams of futures with childrem and husbands around. Not all those dreams come true but they had been birthed and nurtured. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

  13. TERI REES WANG Says:

    I crashed on my mother’s couch, from a sugar rush, with a fresh strawberry mask on my face, squashed in a pretzel position.

    My Kahuna was pointing out to her my seven layers of chin, and my contorted face covered in jam, and I don’t know what else. I awoke hearing most of the commentary and her laughing so hard until she heard me say “hey!’…she then started choking and fell of the sofa.
    I crabbed my stuff, stole some chocolate from her fridge, and sat in the car waiting for that guy to drive my own bed.

    She thanked me for the “entertainment” as we drove away, …saluting.

  14. Jena Says:

    Love this post!! So sorry to hear all your mom went through. Hope you get spoiled on Mother’s Day Angie. :)

  15. angiem Says:

    Susan, the insensitivity of some women knows no bounds. One of my closest friends suffers because of this daily. When I was going through miscarriages, a friend of mine who considers herself quite the epitome of femininity, was the most crude of all, saying how easily she got pregnant and what easy pregnancies she had. I consoled myself by thinking how ADHD and physically unattractive her kids were. I know, it was mean on my part.

    Joyce, society is cruel. Giving birth does not make one less a woman or a mother. My tante was a perfect example of a woman who hadn’t given birth but was a perfect mother. She loved us all and nurtured us and our dreams. And she did it for decades, for over 35 nieces and nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews.

  16. Make Do Style Says:

    That is really touching and important for us to know how things have improved for women. I’m sure you are a wonderful mother too xx

  17. Becky Ramsey Says:

    So beautifully written, Angie. I’m so sorry that those terrible things happened to your mom. How wonderful for her that she has a daughter who sees and knows and understands.
    Happy Mother’s Day to you!

  18. deb @ talk at the table Says:

    everything about these words seems to sum up why I love you.

  19. audrey Says:

    what a beautiful post Angie. it’s wonderful the love and closeness you have with your mother. the way she has survived loss and heartbreak teaches some incredibly important lessons about love and perserverance.

    Happy mother’s day to you and your Mom! and thank you for including all women in your mother’s day greetings. as i am not a mom, i had no idea how good it feels to be wished well on this day. it feels like a kind of inclusion in a sisterhood, as i adore children, this time i don’t feel left out from women who love and nurture …only differently when one is not a mother. this is a gift you have given to me.

    have a wonderful mother’s day weekend!!
    love,
    audrey

  20. Sarah Laurence Says:

    Gosh, your mother did go through a lot. It sounds like you have developed a wonderful relationship with your mother now. Happy Mother’s Day to both of you!

  21. Stephanie @ La Dolce Vita Says:

    and to you! Have a wonderful weekend!

  22. SJ Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day! I’m so glad I got to meet your kiddos.

  23. Mama Zen Says:

    A lovely, lovely tribute!

  24. Susu Paris Chic Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day to you Angie! It is wonderful to hear that you and your mom have such a good relationship. That is not my case at the moment. This really saddens me. But I try to believe that things will get better in time.

    Also, thank you for always being so kind. I got a really mean comment yesterday on my blog and it cast a shadow upon the entire day. Bizarre how it can affect so much. I remember when this happened to you. For a split of a second I said that I would stop blogging, but then I took another breath and thought that I would just mount over it and I will. Later in the day I got lots of positive feedback and they felt ever so heart-warming.

    I’d like to tell you more, but not here, not in public. So I’ll just say that good friends are precious, just like you are! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  25. Englishvers Says:

    So beautifully written and so touching too. Seriously, where would we all be without mothers?
    Ah, the pain they bear to push us out into this hot and cruel world…
    Ah, my hear is full of love. Imagine, to carry another human being in one’s womb for nine months. There is no greater Love. xx

  26. French Fancy Says:

    I bet your mum is as beautiful as you, Angie. We have Mother’s Day here in France in June, in the UK it is April. You would think it would be the same day the world over.

  27. Francesca Says:

    This is the best wish I’ve read so far Angie. Happy birthday to all women!

  28. laura Says:

    Happy Mother’s day, Angie. I love your mother-story. I often wonder how my boys will describe my mothering now when they are older.

    It scares the crap out of me.

    hugs!

  29. Sabine Says:

    It’s weird how not that long ago it was thought okay to rule over women’s heads what’s good for them.
    Mothers…. I had a long chat with mine this morning. Something that wouldn’t have been possible 10 years ago. I guess we both lowered our defenses and her not feeling responsible for me anymore probably also helped.
    She never wanted us to celebrate mother’s day because she said she didn’t wanted to be acknowledged only one day of the year. I kept this tradition and just ignore mother’s day. Nonetheless, hooray! to all women and mother’s out there!

  30. Cindy L. Says:

    We learn so much from our mothers, don’t we? Happy Mother’s Day to you Angie. I salute you and your family, and hope you have a gorgeous day!

  31. Anya Says:

    What a beautiful tribute! Sad and touching, very gentle. I am wishing you wonderful Mother’s Day filled with love …
    Thank you for your wonderful, supportive comment under my “Worst Monday Ever” post. It took me a while to recover, this things do not happen to me often, not to mention all at once.I do not know what I was more upset about: my stitches or broken Prada shoe…It was a tough week.

  32. julie Says:

    Happy Mothers Day dear Angie
    Another beautifully written and thought provoking post. I’m so glad you have this lovely relationship with your mum now… As adults we learn to see those closest to us through the eyes of experience… and perhaps understand their actions better.

    I’ve been thinking about just that today.. My mum died when I was 13 so I didn’t have that chance to share an adult relationship with her.. .. yet still I remember what a strong woman she was and loyal friend to those who knew her. I will be forever grateful that she was an openly demonstrative person .. and somehow gave all her children enough love to last a lifetime.
    This a lovely tribute to us all.. xx Julie

  33. mlle paradis Says:

    Happy Mother’s Day Angie! Great post. I think it’s hard for many of us to fully understand what sorts of lessons in sacrifice and loss our Mother’s have had to undergo before raising us and how much they continue to sacrifice and give and lose out of love for their children and families. Pat yourself on the back and hold your babies close! If only for today.

  34. Ida Says:

    So much love in this post. Beautiful!!
    Happy mothers day!

  35. Ani Says:

    I hope you had a wonderful mother’s day yesterday! God bless you and your family!

  36. Holly L Says:

    Sweet tribute to your mother. Happy Mothers Day to you…your children are lucky to have you!

  37. Ruth Says:

    Happy belated Mother’s Day Tusi!

  38. Ange Says:

    I love my mother all the more now I’ve had children too. Can’t believe all the sacrifices she made for me in fact…
    After all - guess we’re just lucky!

  39. Juniper Says:

    What a thoughtful gentle post in honour of your mother, thank you for sharing it and for sending out the well wishes. I hope you enjoyed your mothers day too.

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