hello dear friends

Author: angiem, 05 14th, 2010

I have been silent all week long, not of my own choosing, but because life and work got in the way of blogging. Crazy days, sleepless nights… You all understand how it can happen and so often does.  Nonetheless, the week has been a wonderfully blessed one, even though I had to remind myself of those blessings when my little one clogged the toilet a few too many times.

Last week (I’m always late, aren’t I? So sorry!) I received a spectacular award from a beautiful and glamorous blogger, and I’d like to share it with you all. Here it is:

Isn’t it the coolest? So is the giver! Her blog is filled with art, fashion, biographies, and glamour. Pop on by and say hello to beautiful Dash.

I guess I must tell you a bit about myself though. When I was young I used to be quite mean.  I like to blame it on the wacky church we attended, but I know I can’t blame everything on it.  But I did things, one of which was making my friends kiss my feet if they wanted something I had, and then after all that still not giving it to them.  I have since apologized and been forgiven, yet it hasn’t been forgotten, as someone just reminded me of this recently.

Somehow I grew up feeling entitled.  My parents, my Tante Marie and Grandmother certainly fed this to me.  When we came to the U.S. I was the adult, I felt, translating for every appointment, consulting with the doctors and teachers on the behalf of everyone else.  And I was praised quite a lot.  By everyone.  It was easy to see myself as privileged in every situation from home to school.

Perhaps that is why I am currently so against the “princess syndrome.” Fairy tales are fun to read, but in real life the beast remains a beast, while you may find that Prince Charming had been wearing a mask all along.  As a mother to a little girl I see how diva behavior and an attitude of entitlement may damage her as she becomes an adult.  It will make her believe that no one and nothing is good enough for her.  I do not want to raise the worst sort of a snob: a girl enslaved to an unrealistic image of herself and of womanhood; not in the least aware that she may be slightly delusional. She’ll be unsatisfied as a young woman, as a wife, and as a mother. Always expecting something more, and baffled and depressed when what she expects does not materialize.

Anyway, there you have it.  Now, all of you my beautiful readers grab the award, and have a gorgeous weekend!


32 Responses to “hello dear friends”

  1. Mary Moon Says:

    My life started going downhill when I was in the first grade and tested out as a GENIUS, simply because I lived with my grandparents and the damn test had all of these really old word-usages on it and I knew them because I listened to old people talk all the time.
    Ah yah- real life steps in and we realize we are simply regular human beings and yet somehow, we still expect to be treated like we are special.
    You nailed this one. Completely.

  2. julie Says:

    Dear Angie
    First.. congratulations on the award.. well deserved for bringing us your thoughtful and beautifully scripted posts week after week.. now also… I love Dash’s blog and agree completely that it is somewhere lovely to visit and be entertained and informed…

    I laughed with what you said about making your friends kiss your feet then still holding out on them .. my my.. you WERE my sister’s twin. hahahaha.. Well I can I see no evidence of your evils ways now .. you are always so gracious and generous with all your blogger friends.. Have a lovely week xx Julie

  3. Holly L Says:

    Kissing your feet, huh? Dear Angie…it is hard to imagine you being mean.

    Funny enough as I read this post I did not think about myself or my daughter but about my brother…he was always put on a pedestal and told how amazing he was - what a great athlete. Every ounce of hope was poured into his dreams of being a hockey or baseball player. When it came close but didn’t happen he did not know what to do with himself and became very angry. We actually no longer speak because of one of his angry outbursts.

    It is a hard fall when you feel entitled or diva like…unfortunately to many feel this way and never learn…the wise ones like you my friend learn and help teach others.

  4. Jena Says:

    About time!!! I missed you all week!!!
    Glad everything’s fine.
    I laughed and laughed when I read your confession. Your funny!!!
    You know who I blame, I blame Disney with “Princess This” and “Princess That”

  5. Elisabelle Says:

    thanks for sharing!!
    you certainly became a very kind adult:)

  6. sharon Says:

    Now I’d say it takes guts and generosity to own up to the feet-kissing thing! Well done.
    Great post Angie, you’re so right, we have to be continually vigilant in the way we raise our children, boys or girls.
    Thank you so much for your very kind words, you really thrilled me.
    Have a great weekend, recover from those sleepless nights!

  7. Beth Says:

    I was too much of a tom-boy as a child to ever become a “diva” and then had sons – no daughters. Still, they were raised so they would not possess a sense of entitlement. You’re so right – it can only lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment.
    Congratulations on the award!

  8. Susan Says:

    Ah yes, balance. If it goes the other way, it’s just as bad in another way. So striking that middle ground is the way to (try) to go with anyone under one’s tutelage. I’m sure you’re doing fine.

    I would love to have seen you try to get me to kiss your feet! I’m laughing out loud. I would have given you hell (not cursing) & doubt you would’ve forgotten it. Bet you would’ve ended up liking me for it, though. I would’ve known why you were that way. But I was born at least 30 years old. lol

    Understand about the time getting away…I have to go on break with both blogs soon….”quality control” is severely compromised. (Like there is any…)


    PS: If you’ve not been over to Being Ruby yet, Julie is having another beautiful photo giveaway — of Roses!

  9. Jessica Says:

    I never made anyone kiss my feet and I never felt entitled, but I sure did some mean things, and gross things, that I still feel bad for.
    I totally agree with you about the princess complex. The sad thing is that many of the fairy tale princesses did NOT act entitled. They were kind to animals and servants, and they worked hard (even if they still had to be rescued). I don’t have any girls. Hope I raise my boys to recognize a real woman and not a spoiled girl.

  10. Stephanie @ La Dolce Vita Says:

    I think raising children is such a balancing act - you want to give them confidence and let them know you are proud, but you don’t want to raise spoiled/entitled kids … we do our best, right? And as for you, children make mistakes, and then they grow and learn, and it takes a big person to admit when they are wrong. It is the people who carry it into adulthood that have the issues.

  11. Diane Says:

    You certainly do not give off the air of entitled now. The work that you do and your giving spirit is beautiful. Hope this week goes better.

    My son has clogged a toilet or two lately also….. :O)

  12. Evangeline Says:

    I hear you on the princess thing. I would be gravely concerned if I had a daughter. With boys to raise it’s all the violence and twisted images of female sexuality that the media is rife with that give me pause for thought.

    Congrats on the award! Well deserved. :)

  13. deb @ talk at the table Says:

    I cringe to think of some of my childhood ways. I remember telling a neighbourhood girl who had the “nerve” to show up uninvited to my birthday party when I was five or six that she couldn’t come in as I reached for the present. Can you imagine? And I still live with the guilt.
    You are so not a diva, but you were a child.
    And here’s to raising children as best we can. I’ll hope for you, and I wish you’d hope for me. It’s sooo hard sometimes, knowing where the lines are.

  14. Francesca Says:

    But we can’t abolish the dreamworld, the enchanted land, the magic of childhood! Should we replace Santa with Wallmart? Fairy tails speak to the mind of a child, and tell about life, but also about hardships - there are not divas there: Cindarella was an orphan-slave, the Little Match Girl found happiness in after-life …
    And what you were as a child and a young girl, is not what your daughter is and is going to be.
    Still, how do we ensure a real happy ending? I don’t know, tell me when you have an answer.

  15. Kathy Says:

    Congrats on your award! And I hope you are having a wonderful weekend.

  16. Corinne Says:

    Have missed you around here while catching up from our vacation :)
    I’m on the same page as you regarding princess stuff and fairy tales. Drives me up a wall…

  17. Ava Says:

    So interesting what you blogged. There is a princess complex going on I see it all around me and it’s true that it nakes girls grow up feelung entitled. I hear what Francesca says but in the US the only thing girls get out of fairy tales is that they are deserving and entitled. Somehow the part of the story where the princesses worked hard gets lost on them. So sad!

  18. Ava Says:

    Oops so many misspellings :(.

  19. pretty far west Says:

    The princess syndrome and entitlement - I guess facing that off lies ahead of me. Maybe I feel entitled to my children not feeling entitled despite the false promises of modern life. What a conundrum. I can see why you felt entitled, but they say the past is another country, and you were another person.

  20. Bebe Says:

    Congratulations on the well deserved award, Angie! You are a beautiful writer and a beautiful person. I haven’t thought much about this entitlement issue , but I suppose I should have, I see bratty girls all around me and women in their 30’s and 40’s with expectations about men. They are the same women who think men should accept them the way they are: bitchy, lazy, and overweight but they wouldn’t dream of putting up with men that are mean, lazy, and fat.

  21. She Writes Says:

    I agree with you about pricesses. My issue has more to do with waiting for a man to take care of you. But I can’t take entitled women! ICK!! Just dealt with one yesterday. Total PRINCESS, single, about sixty, and messed with the wrong servant (me in an elevator ;)!). Looking forward to June!

  22. Christie Says:

    What a wonderful post (as usual). I love the way you shed light on any situation. And you are right, a since of entitlement in a young woman (or a young man), is not a good thing.

  23. Sabine Says:

    You made people kiss your feet?!? Wow! I don’t think in my wildest dreams would I have had an idea like that. Good that you got over that ;-)
    I think the best remedy against princess behaviour is a healthy family and children being aware that we have to work to survive. Wishing you a lovely week, Angie.
    P.S. Congrats to your award. Sadly I can’t see it.

  24. Englishvers Says:

    I was not brought up with a princess complex. But I was brought up to believe that I am very special. My family is both mentally and emotionally healthy. And even though my father is from a long line of European aristocrats, he made sure that my sister and I did not get that princess complex. i think one ought not to confude princess complex with feeling special. Have a productive week.

  25. Cindy L. Says:

    You are a wise woman, Angie. You’re a regal queen of wisdom, not merely a “princess” now. I am glad you posted this, as I’ve noticed in recent years that there’s quite a media emphasis on “princess” stuff for little girls. Everywhere you look, there are princess T-shirts and even colognes for children called “Princess.” Yikes. I think fairy tales are lovely, but in America, the word princess seems to suggest diva behavior and entitlement.

    Lemme tell ya, as I told my son and his friends, acting like you’re “entitled” doesn’t get you anywhere in the business world or among friends. Whenever I am around people with a sense of entitlement, I am least likely to help them out, professionally or otherwise. I figure they don’t need me! Thanks for reminding us again with this thoughtful post, Angie.

  26. Kori Says:

    I love your honest words.

  27. Ange Says:

    Angie, I neither could imagine you mean . It is now that is important. And lucky your little girl is to have such a wise and sensitive mother. My own girls - children - have the entitlement to love, cuddles, good food and to grow and discover who they are. That is all they are entitled to. The rest they have to earn…

  28. christina Says:

    love this post. it made me laugh, then was shaking my head. i was all into this. lol

  29. Sarah Laurence Says:

    I’m sorry that you are going through such a busy, sleepless time too. Read your daughter The Paperback Princess by Robert Musch – it’s the opposite of the regular princess story, and it’s funny.

  30. Mwa Says:

    Very true.
    Except I AM entitled. (Just joking - you are so right.)

  31. Dash Says:

    Angie, apologies, I somehow missed this post it must have been all the drama over Crusoe. I don’t know, what were you like? making people kiss your feet…indeed.
    With a Mother like you I am sure your girl will grow up to be a super human being.

  32. krista Says:

    i don’t remember ever being intentionally mean to anyone growing up but i do remember that i never did anything i didn’t want to do. so i usually led. others followed. i was content to go off by myself if necessary and i’ve realized that this quality is one most great leaders possess.
    i lost that quality in sixth grade and it never fully returned.
    but that’s a story for another day.

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