boo hoo

Author: angiem, 10 21st, 2013

I’ve been in a funk the last few days. I don’t exactly know why. The weather is gorgeous. We’ve had the most beautiful October. Ever. And we are all healthy. Maybe it’s because I joined the PTA. I stayed away as long as I could, until I couldn’t anymore. PTA moms are an altogether different species, and I just couldn’t see how to make myself fit in. I still can’t.

This is what I’ve observed so far: We, PTA moms, seem to have no other interests but to make copies, staple classroom information packets together, decorate for the auction, fundraise, and meet for lunch on Wednesdays. Where, I will add, bottle upon bottle of cheap white wine will be consumed and very little food will actually be eaten. And then when the weekend comes, we, PTA moms, can think of no better way to spend the time than to congregate on one field or another and cheer our kids on. We are so certain, that at least one of them, if not more, will be a professional soccer or football player. I mean, come on! Have you seen those kicks?

The entire social network of PTA moms seems to be made up of other moms with whom we discuss everything from how awesome our kids are - they are PERFECT and as such deserve only praise! - to whether milk is good or bad - it’s BAD, by the way. Very, very BAD! - to how often we have sex with our partners, - apparently we are all in our sexual prime because we have sex AT LEAST five times a week! When our husbands are home, that is. Because a lot of our husbands travel for business. - to how our single friends, or childless friends don’t understand us anymore -we feel betrayed. So it makes sense that with our husbands traveling and our other friends betraying us, we turn to other PTA moms for friendship.

Since we are so busy being PTA moms, we really have no time to read books. Unless it’s Shades of Grey, of course. Which we discuss quite a bit, giggling over some of the parts, and justifying how this book is a story about redeeming love - really! - and all of us can’t wait for the movie -NOT!!! If any mom suggests that we read something different next time, we immediately silence her with a look. I mean, doesn’t she already know that life is hard enough, and we are so busy, and our families and society as a whole, expect so much from us? If we read, we read for pleasure. We are such romantics! We are suckers for love stories! And reality TV.

If this is a harsh portrayal of my fellow PTA moms, I apologize. If I seem to arrive late for our meetings, and leave early, I apologize. If I yawn quite a bit when you all go on and on about one thing or another that is beyond boring to me, I apologize. Perhaps I’ll get around to your way of thinking one of these days. Until then, I’ll go and read Jhumpa Lahiri’s The Lowland. That is sure to get me out of this funk.

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17 Responses to “boo hoo”

  1. SJ Says:

    Good god Angie, this whole post made me love you even more than I already did! You’ve summed up “those women” perfectly. Who are those women? They’re everywhere.

    I’m glad we have each other.

  2. corine Says:

    This made me laugh. Great post.

    Your PTA moms are more fun the mine. In my brief forays into the world of PTA all I found were power trips. Very educated, smart women who are putting their careers on hold to raise children and find there an outlet for their ambition and drive.

    No doubts they were indispensable and generous with their time, but they were not kind. At least not to me. I did it one year and crawled back into my comfy cave where I only helped my kids and didn’t contribute to the community. but where I was much happier (and not terrified).

  3. angiem Says:

    SJ, I am glad we have each other, as well. XXX

    Oh yes, Corine, the power trips. There are a few of those. We don’t like them very much. They’re bad dressers. And very narrow minded. And quite bossy.

  4. Helen Says:

    Lol! This is sooo funny! I’m one of your childless friends who will probably never be a PTA mom, and that’s okay. Xo

  5. Michelle Stockard Miller Says:

    Which is precisely why I never join the PTA. ;)

  6. Victoria Says:

    Love this!

    I met one PTA mother recently who praised herself so much and how much the school could not do without her. She spends so much time at school, I doubt she has time for sex 5 times a week! And she ALWAYS wears tie-dye (yuck!).

  7. angiem Says:

    Helen, and I will always be your friend. No matter what. XXX

    Michelle, to be fair, I see the appeal of it for the stay at home moms whose husbands travel or work long hours. I guess they are so involved in their children’s lives that they forgo developing outside interests and/or maintaining earlier friendships. Meanwhile, I’ve become a room mother and, as such, must last at least until the end of this school year.

  8. angiem Says:

    Victoria, I do a lot of mental eye rolling when I hear some of these women. Can’t help myself. :D

  9. Ava Says:

    Hi Angie :-) Curious why you joined the PTA since I know that you work, write, spend time with your family and have many things to keep you busy.

  10. angiem Says:

    Ava, I didn’t intend to. I figured I would just go and volunteer in my daughter’s class an hour per week and that would be it. But then my daughter got placed in a class with this girl who had picked on her a few times last year. I was very upset when I found out, because I thought I had made it clear to the teacher and the office that I didn’t want my daughter to be in the same class with this girl. So I requested that they put my daughter in another class, and they did. Still, I felt like the bullying behavior of the other girl was never addressed. My daughter was not the only girl she picked on. There have been quite a few, yet the teacher and even the principal didn’t seem to take it seriously. So I decided that I would join the PTA and see what I could do about it. :)

  11. Ruth Says:

    Oh you could start The PTA Diaries! I feel for you. And I hope you can bring about whatever change you can. If not, just write about it for the rest of us. I could never relate. And don’t ever want to.

  12. Adina Says:

    Let me guess…that girl’s mom is a PTA mom, haha. Not to discourage you, but knowing you, my guess is you will tire of them sooner than later :). Good luck!

  13. angiem Says:

    Ruth, PTA Diaries… Now that’s a thought. I’ll have to be really sneaky so no one gets their feelings hurt. Either way, I’ll be sure to write about my experiences with them from time to time. ;)

    Adina, no. I don’t think this girl has it easy at home, and I feel sorry for her, but there’s not much I can do. My job is to protect my daughter.

  14. Rick Davison Says:

    Angie,

    I’ve never been a PTA mom, but seeing it through your words and eyes is amusing, if not hilarious.

  15. angiem Says:

    Thank you, Rick. I’m glad my observations come across as amusing, and not as condescending.

  16. maggie may Says:

    oh my LORD how much i enjoyed this.

    and amen.

  17. Relyn Says:

    I’ll be back later… when I am finished laughing.

    I’ll try to resist the teacher version of this post.

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