mean girls

Author: angiem, 06 10th, 2009

Ever notice how catty females get when they’re out together and another of their sex walks by? In the split of a second that poor woman has been evaluated and judged, and without any reason. There’s no denying the bonding that takes place between us women through our mutual consent to trash another. And in my weaker moments I’ve succumbed to the bitch within very easily. I end up feeling so guilty and so disgusted with myself afterwards, that I vow never to do it again. Because I know better. I have been a victim of this sort of cruelty as a teenager. There’s no excuse for it.

I’m thinking about this as I’m sitting in a cafe, listening to a group of college girls dissecting another sitting at a different table with her boyfriend. I’m supposed to be working, but I find myself both fascinated and repulsed by their behavior.

When I was in ninth grade I had a mean girl experience. It was not at school, although if it would have happened at school, I would have understood why. I was, after all, in ESL, had a terrible accent, was taller than most of the boys in my grade, and dressed with clothes my mom bought at Macy’s - The Gap was the clothier of choice. But for some reason - and I cannot understand it to this day - people at school were pretty cool.

My enemy turned out to be my church best friend. She harassed me through phone calls late at night, made by her brothers, saying sexual things, terrifying me. I had no idea who was out to get me and why. My mom figured out it was her and called her mom. One of her brothers admitted he made phone calls on her behalf. My friend and her mom came over. My friend apologized and cried. She gave some stupid speech her mom made her say, I’m sure, but I can’t remember much about other than she loved me as a sister, blah, blah, blah. The moms made us hug it out.

But that was just the beginning. Because soon after, she wrote and mailed a letter -only one that I know of - to my crush, in which she posed as me. I have no idea what that letter said, but it must have been something really nasty, because he never spoke to me again. And I only found out about the letter years later, from my crush’s sister. Then, this friend proceeded to turn all of my church friends against me. No one would even say hello. Thank God I had supportive parents who understood my reality and did not ridicule it, nor expected me to deal with it. We switched churches promptly.

I’m angry with myself as I sit here, because I want to call these girls out on their awful behavior, but I don’t know how. I’m worried about making a scene in a place I frequent often. And is it even my responsibility? All I know for certain, is that if at least one of those childhood friends would have stood up for me, it would have made a world of difference.

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7 Responses to “mean girls”

  1. Priscilla Says:

    And one of the worst things is when you do something or say something and people misunderstand and judge you and make you out to such a horrible person.. And tell you to stop with the drama. It all just starts from jealousy, I think, and people having nothing better to do and judge!!

  2. Laura Says:

    I see it as a need for us to always feel superior to others, so truth or not we will find things to say and reason to justify what we are saying. It comes to show how truly broken our human nature is, and that unless He comes and empties us of us and fills us with Him we are truly pitiful human beings. It is not easy growing up, it’s often a very painful process. Our human nature will always come back and put on a fight.

  3. Daniela Says:

    Great post Angie; I’m glad you brought this up. I find the behavior torturous to endure being fully aware and unfortunately unable not to feel it when I’m the subject of this loathesome activity.

    I do look, too. It’s natural to observe, compare ourselves to and appreciate the beauty of other women as women. It’s equally natural to do so spitefully, because of our nature.

    Priscilla hit the nail on the head with jealousy. The only hope to look without the spite is to transcend the very nature at its source: the flesh.

    John 3:6-7
    “That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
    “Do not be amazed that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’

  4. Bobi Says:

    haha… I love this post because it’s so true. I have to say that I am probably very honest and direct. I do look, I do judge, and a lot of the time it’s mainly my own insecurities causing me to do this. I have never once heard my mom or aunts doing this, so I can’t say that it’s a learned behavior, but I think it’s part of our human nature to check our selves and compare. However I do believe that we can’t measure our selves by anyone but Christ because he is the true standard that we should live up to.
    You want to know what’s funny. On friday night I was sitting with my girls in our seats at our college graduation with the little booklet with all the graduates names in them, you know what we were doing? finding names we could laugh at, that’s what. It was so fun. Yeah it’s true… not nice, but funny. What can I say it was such a long boring process waiting for over 400 people to receive their empty diploma.

  5. angiem Says:

    Bobi,
    Congratulations upon your graduation!
    Regarding your method of enlivening your dreary wait: why am I not shocked? Just Kidding! You’re too hard on yourself, friend. If you’d have done it out of spite and jealousy, it’d be an altogether different thing.

  6. Daniela Says:

    “If you’d have done it out of spite and jealousy, it’d be an altogether different thing.”

    Hi Angie, in your comment to Bobi’s post I must say I disagree. I think boredom is very much a part of the spite and jealousy.

  7. Simona Says:

    Watching other human beings and their behavior, the nature, animals etc. used to be an inspiration for artists and a novel subject for writers and for the simple of souls subjects of discussions.

    You are a complex person Angie…scrolling through your blogs I can find the artist in some of your blogs, the psychologist in others and the humanist in all of them. You have a great pool of talent from which you can choose easily…Congratulations!

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